The ChoreVoyant Method--From Overwhelmed to Aligned
Step 1: Build an ARK
As a personal concierge, I am privileged to serve clients in two ways. Firstly, I offer a helping hand with a wide variety of tasks and errands—everything from scheduling a dryer-vent cleaning to prepping vegetables for snacks and meals, to Target runs, to doing Amazon returns, to taking shoes to the shoe repair shop. I do the deed, so my client doesn’t have to! Secondly, I act as a resource for my clients. I listen, and provide a sounding board for their goals. I provide them with ideas on being proactive to meet those goals, and if needed, I can connect them with other service-providers. I can make introductions, and be onsite when that service-provider visits their home.
Being proactive is really at the heart of going from chaos to calm. However, before you can be proactive, you need an ARK. What on earth am I talking about? ARK is my acronym for the 3 things:
- Acceptance
- Realistic Expectations
- Knowledge
Let’s be honest—everyone has some level of “chaos” in their life. It’s proof you have a pulse! The ARK provides you with an opportunity to step back, breathe, assess, and get your bearings. Let’s look at the “A” of ARK, acceptance.
Acceptance as a Mindset
Acceptance is crucial to moving from overwhelmed to aligned. What exactly should you accept? Let’s look at them in order of importance:
Lack of availability does not mean “Lack of Ability.” For me, this tops the list. Running out of time to do things doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not managing your time well, or that you are “failing,” or “can’t keep up.” We do things the way we do them. If some tasks take longer than others, or if you devote more time to certain tasks or routines than your mom, or your friends, or online gurus—it doesn’t mean you’re wrong or “bad at managing your life.” Accept that your stands are different; no judgement—not better or worse, just different. Be you. More suggestions related to this come in the rest of the acronym.
Delegating is a sound strategy. Look at CEOs. They have specialists assisting them with finance, marketing, research and development. You are the CEO of your home; delegating tasks to your spouse, children, or hired help like ChoreVoyant allows you to function better in your role as a decision-maker. If you believe it is for the “good of the organization” to accept assistance on certain tasks, go for it. You are being strategic, not lazy; your time can be better spent in your various roles—unique individual, wife, mother, entrepreneur, sister, friend, daughter. Think big picture.
No one’s life is completely smooth sailing—no matter what they’re telling you or sharing on social media. Everyone has their stressors; not everyone, though, is stressed by the same things. Consider your friend circle: your bestie might completely freak out at something that wouldn’t cause you to blink. By the same token, things that send you into a meltdown might not even register as a problem to your best friend. We’ve all got something.
Some stressors are really a blessing in disguise. Of course, I’m not talking about life-altering stressors—death, divorce, illness. I’m talking about run-of-the-mill, garden-variety stressors—clutter, being overbooked and overwhelmed, preparing for a ‘milestone’ event, like a First Holy Communion or a Bar Mitzvah. Have you ever seen those social media posts that go something like this: “Dirty dishes in the sink are a sign you didn't go hungry today. Piles of laundry mean you have resources and wear clean clothes every day. Being tired from your job means you are working somewhere.”
As saccharine as posts like that are, there is a grain of truth in them. If you think hard enough, you probably already know someone who is going through something a whole lot more stressful than what’s currently on your plate. Gratitude can change your perspective.
Considering your schedule, how you like to do things, your energy level, emotional bandwidth, as well as your feelings about and willingness to delegate are all part of coming to acceptance in what your unique household will look like and how it will operate.
Realistic Expectations Go Hand in Hand with Acceptance
Realistic expectations are another vital piece of going from overwhelmed to aligned. We humans tend to be incredibly hard on ourselves; when someone tells us to set realistic expectations, we interpret that to mean “lower our expectations.” Realistic expectations do not mean that you must accept bad habits, disrespect, or disarray. It does mean being cognizant of the people you live with and their quirks. It might mean picking your battles. It will mean being gentler with yourself. Which leads to the last letter of our acronym: “K.”
Knowledge of Yourself Will Guide You in Setting Realistic Expectations
Can you see how the three areas: acceptance, realistic expectations, and knowledge of yourself are all of a piece? Let me dive a little deeper into what I mean by knowledge of yourself. Here is a personal example:
Given my own personal quirks, my temperament, and my current stage of life, I have a fairly slow roll in the morning. I’m not the person who is going to bounce out of bed and head to the gym or go for a walk. I’m going to drink coffee, read something spiritual, check emails, read what interests me in the New York Times, eat breakfast. If I didn’t sleep well or didn’t have much down-time the day before—far more time is spent doom-scrolling and chugging coffee. I know these things about myself, and can plan accordingly.
Conversely, if I know my schedule and see that tomorrow is a busy day—I do some things to prepare the night before. Doing a “brain dump” of what needs to happen to make that busy day run smoothly the night before allows me to write up a to-do list—so I don’t forget something. Knowing how I want that day to play out lets me make choices on what I will do or not do in the morning. So, it’s knowledge of a lot of things: my own temperament, what’s planned for the day, what I want to happen when I get home from work. Knowledge of all those things allows me to set realistic expectations. I get to be less frazzled, do less negative self-talk because I can accept myself and make peace with those expectations. This is what I mean when I say that Acceptance, Realistic Expectations, and Knowledge are all of a piece. Each one supports the other.
Again, being totally honest—do I knock it out of the park every day? No! I still have a lot of work to do in the area of realizing what can be accomplished within a particular timespan. But again, I’m aware and I try to adjust accordingly.
Finally, building an ARK will not only help you go from chaos to calm—it will help you to delegate comfortably and effectively, and will allow you to have the best experience possible with a personal concierge service like ChoreVoyant. Your ARK serves as the foundation for proactive household management, and will guide you into step 2 of the ChoreVoyant Method, to be discussed in the next blog. In conclusion, ask yourself these questions:
- What do I need to accept about myself, my family, my current stage of life that will help me set realistic expectations for managing my household?
- Given my schedule, temperament, and personal quirks--what tasks can I realistically do myself? What tasks can I delegate?
- If I chose to delegate, what tasks are a good fit for my spouse/life partner? For my kids? Which tasks do I feel require outside help?
- What stops me from accomplishing my household management goals? Is it something I can change? If I can't change it, what are some doable work-arounds to manage those obstacles?
- How well do I know myself? What's the difference between what I'd like to have happen, and how I actually operate? Do I want to close this gap? What would help me close this gap?
If you live in Bergen County and would like to work through these questions and explore how ChoreVoyant can help you manage the mental and logistical load of running a home, click here or give Marcia a call at (201)707-5813.
