3 Signs You’re Carrying Too Much (And What to Do About It)

Despite knowing the impact that stress can have on us, society still favors the “be it all, do it all, have it all” ethos of modern life. A scroll through social media will bombard you with ways to optimize your health and fitness, your mindset, your daily routines, as well as your wardrobe, home, and parenting. If daily life isn’t sometimes daunting enough, do we really need someone to tell us that “we’re doing it wrong?” Although I am a big believer in self-reflection and self-improvement, most of us aren’t running around thinking we’ve got everything under control and there’s no need to improve. More likely, we’re plagued by misgivings and self-doubt. Those alone create a lot for us to carry!

So, in addition to our nagging inner critic—most adults are carrying a lot of tangible responsibilities. These might include:

• Balancing work and family commitments while managing a household‍
• Being the primary care-giver for a child or a parent
• Being the primary care-giver for a child and a parent
• Managing a household while being the sole breadwinner and primary caregiver to a child and/or a parent

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Frequently, the name given to someone with these responsibilities is Mom. But how does she—or any of us—realize when we are carrying too many things?  What’s the tipping point? Obviously, becoming so ill you really can’t function is a sure-fire way to know that you’re doing and carrying more than you should, but before you reach that point, there are other signs.

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Three Signs You've Carrying Too Much

You’re resentful. If you’re feeling upset that your spouse is able to enjoy a half-hour workout, or that your co-workers are able to attend an after-work happy-hour—and you’re not—this may be a sign that things are out of balance, especially if you don’t typically look at your family, friends, and co-workers this way. When things that wouldn’t ordinarily bother you start to, it’s time to take a look at the specifics of your situation.

The smallest tasks seem overwhelming. Undoubtedly, someone has told you, “It only takes five minutes to…” And I am just as certain that you already realize that—intellectually. When we’re carrying too much, small things feel insurmountable. We’ve shut down, because we literally can’t deal with one more thing.

Perfectionism. The way this usually shows up is in the mindset that no one can do it as well as you can. Because of that mindset, we don’t ask for help or delegate; when we do, we criticize and sometimes even re-do the other person’s efforts. Perhaps we don’t ask for help, because there is something else we don’t want to deal with—and burying ourselves in the minute details of a task allows us to avoid thinking about that thing. Our accomplishment allows us to briefly feel good, but it is a hollow victory because we haven’t addressed that which is driving us to such great lengths.

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What You Can Do When You Realize You’re Carrying Too Much

Look at why you’re doing this. This can be a scary, but worthwhile, step. Is taking on so much tied to managing anxiety? Low self-esteem? Grief? Having something to prove? Avoiding the realities of a bad relationship? Maybe it is a narrow window of opportunity in your career? An educational opportunity that will enhance your earning potential in the long-term? Not all “why’s” have to be negative, you know. Once you know why, or at least have some theories, it becomes your choice to change what you’re doing—or not. Self-agency can be a powerful thing. If you choose to change what you’re doing, might the time and energy you’re currently putting into “doing the things” be better spent in addressing the underlying cause? Grief-counseling, journaling, or therapy might make you and your family happier than the cleanest kitchen or tidiest closet ever could. Again, you get to decide what is best for you.

Look at what you can delete, delay, or delegate. So far, we have examined whether or not we are carrying too many responsibilities; having come to the conclusion that we are, we have begun to try and uncover why we’re taking on so much. Once we have an inkling as to why we’re doing this—we can choose to make changes or not. Deciding to make a change brings us to this point—look at what tasks, activities, or responsibilities you can delete, delay, or delegate. ‍

• ‍Delete. If you have a lot going onprofessionally and personally, especially if you are a parent or a care-giver—don’tbe afraid to pass up volunteering opportunities, PTO meetings, serving on a committeein your church, synagogue, or civic organization. This doesn’t mean you have todelete them permanently, if you don’t want to. Now may not be the time. If amonthly gym membership fee taunts you every time you look at your bankstatement because you never get there, let your membership lapse. You canalways rejoin in the future. Severing a tie to something you’re not making useof can be freeing; it’s one less thing to feel guilty about. Burn the ships, soto speak, and don’t look back.
• ‍Delay. Can something you’re currently carrying be put on hold? For example, will it be so detrimental to your earning potential if you take the next class toward your master’s degree in the Spring semester, as opposed to the Fall?  While you may hate to do it, can you limit each of your children to one extra-curricular per season? Many parents do, in order to eliminate the pressure of a relentless practice and game schedule. It isn’t crushing your child’s dreams to say, “Let’s do soccer in the Fall, and Tae-Kwon-Do next semester.”  The strategy of delaying asks both you and your family members to decide what goals and activities are the priority now.  
• ‍Delegate. Of the three, this could be the most difficult path. Why? Because it asks us to relinquish control of the details. The how of getting things done. Ultimately, we need to look at the bigger picture and decide the value of outcome over process. Which is more important. If you are truly carrying too much—to a point where it is impacting your physical, mental, or emotional health—and you cannot delete or delay what you’re carrying, then it may be time to prioritize outcome overprocess. I know two variations of an old adage, “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good,” or “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of done.” Again, this is a prioritization choice of having a task completed versus completed the way you would do it.

The Benefits of Delegating

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There are many benefits to delegating. Here are a few:

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• ‍You gain a partner. When you ask for help with a project or task, you’re sharing not only the importance of its outcome, but its meaning to you. Why it is important. This type of ‘unburdening’ can provide a sense of camaraderie; that you are not alone in seeing the value of the task and how the steps in performing it can be overwhelming.
• ‍You build trust. Whether you are delegating toa friend, family member, or a personal concierge service—you need to trust them. By the same token, they want your trust. To see themselves as a good spouse, son or daughter, or service provider—they most likely will put a good effort, if not their best effort—into it. This two-way street of trust and respect will make delegating easier to continue with that person.
• ‍You’re off the hook. Delegating frees your mind and your schedule. You can focus on other priorities and take time for the things that are truly important. No recollects on their deathbed how perfectly their laundry was folded, but they do remember who they spent time with, how they demonstrated their love and care for them, and the impact they made in the lives of those they loved. Why spend today fretting over dirty dishes and store returns when there are memories to make?

Why Delegating to ChoreVoyant is Easy

ChoreVoyant wants to be your trusted partner for managing your home. We’re different from other types of services. Here’s how:

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• ‍We start with our relationship with you. It’s not just about burning through your to-do list; anyone can help you do that. We want to know your goals, what you hope to accomplish by delegating your task to us, how you want to feel and operate not only in your home, but in your life.
• ‍We listen. Our goal is both macro and micro. We want to help you accomplish your over-arching goal, and complete your task with as much expertise as you would bring to it, if not more. With your input, we get the job done at the highest level possible.
• ‍We care about you and your family. ChoreVoyant’s “secret sauce” is our ability to be proactive in making your household run as smoothly as possible. Not only do we listen, but we observe. Every household has its unique rhythms, and we aim to honor yours. Well-being may look different for every family, but our aim is to help you achieve it in the way that is best for you.

If this post has helped you realize that you are carrying too much, and if you live in Bergen County—ChoreVoyant can help you when you are ready to delegate the tasks and projects that are stealing your time, your joy, and your peace of mind. Click here to book a chat with us. Together, let’s help you live a more peaceful and enjoyable life by crafting and executing a household management strategy.

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